I’ve got some bad news for you. There’s really no nice way to say this so I’ll just cut to the chase... I think I’m breaking up with you. Because basically June, you suck!
What happened to you? Remember when you used to be all full of anticipation and promises of summer vacation, lazy days, easy ways, and freedom? Yeah.... those were the days right? But June, you’ve changed. The older I get, the more you disappoint me.
I’ve had about enough of your frenetic, schizo, unstable energy. I’m too old for this shit. You’re all over the map, and I can’t figure out what you want from me. June, don’t hate me for saying this, but I think you forgot to take your meds. Maybe you need a gentle reminder. Did you forget that people are supposed to look forward to you? Did you forget that you’re supposed to be all sunny and green, all curious, carefree and full of life? Sure, you might look like that on the outside, but at your core you’ve morphed into a black hearted devil. You’re like one of those icky Dementors in Harry Potter. Gross.
Did you forget that people are supposed to love you, June? You used to be so loveable. Sigh. You used to be the life of the party, the hostess with the mostess, the happy go luckiest friend EVER! It used to be like, "OMG! It's June! Yay!" But now, you’re just a hot, nasty, narcissistic mess. Just so you know June, hot messes and narcissists, are not that fun to be around. They’re needy and manipulative, and they suck the life right out of you.
Why do you have to be so difficult June? You’ve gotten super annoying, and you can’t be reasoned with. Every year, I dread your arrival more than the year before. You know, like the guy who shows up already drunk to the annual party, and doesn’t know when to quit? Nobody likes that guy, June. Don’t be him.
Also June, WTF is with the company you keep? You come around and suddenly, the most undesirable people start crawling out of the wood work. Lots of them are just plain heinous! They’re all over the headlines, and NOT for good reasons. June, you seriously need to get some better friends. These people are just using you to get noticed. Why are you letting them do that?
And here’s another thing June, you’re just too damned unpredictable and disorganized. I can’t take it anymore! Too much action, too many commitments, too much chaos, too much uncertainty. You NEVER have a plan... Or if you do, you don’t stick to it. Just so you know, flakiness is not an admirable quality. It’s freaking irritating as hell! Did I ever tell you how much I can’t stand lack of follow through? Is it so hard to just DO what you SAY you’re going to do, June? Broken promises suck. Everyone knows that June! Why don’t you?
June, you’re like a toddler hopped up on Twinkies and Red Bull. I think you need to put down the stimulants and get your head in the game. You can’t hold a thought for more than three seconds. You change your mind like the wind, and leave me standing there slack jawed, wondering WTF just happened? Just when I think I can take a breath, just when I think I can let my guard down, BAM! You come out of nowhere all jittery, wide eyed and agitated, fists a flying with your, ‘Nope....this isn’t going to go smoothly for you sucker. You’re gonna need to work for it. You’re gonna need to deal with me whether you like it or not’ What the hell is with that June? Do you feel outshone by August or December? There are better, more civilized ways to get noticed. June, nobody likes an attention getter. NOBODY!
One last thing. June, your expectations are totally out of whack man. You’ve turned into a real taker. You always want something - money, time, energy, patience, more money - but you never have much to give in return. A peaceful coffee by the lake once in a while, doesn’t make up for all the crap you dish out. Bad news, delays, grief, fuck ups, tragedy, and total exhaustion. If that’s all you’ve got, you can keep it, June. Remember Gimme Gimme never gets? Well you should. Cause nobody needs that shit.
So June, let me give it to you straight. Unless you can smarten the hell up, and I mean quick. Unless you can start playing nice. Unless you can back the hell off and stop acting like some greedy, party pooping, soul sucking entity, then you and I are going to have to part ways.
I refuse to be treated like this any longer. And June, just so you know, I’m not the only one who thinks you kind of suck these days. Word on the street is, a lot of other people have had enough of you too. So unless you want to be all alone. Unless you want us to just start going straight from May to July, then I think you better take these words to heart.
You’ve got 24 hours to change your behaviour. Yep, I’m giving you an ultimatum! Damned straight I am, buster! If you can’t get your act together by then, I am declaring you and I officially over. Got that? C'est fini entre nous! Tra noi e' finita! Se ha acabado entre nosotros! OVER!
Good day to you June!
P.S. I mean business. You better believe I do.