Practical Magic for Soul Liberation
I have a lot to say....
Sometimes it's serious, sometimes it's silly, but it's always the truth.
Mostly, I share my stories and the wisdom gained from my own journey, in hopes that it helps you on yours.
Back in the crazy making days. So much fun right?
I know how to do this because I used to be a total expert at it, so trust me here. It’s a foolproof method. Works every time.......
It's New Year’s Day. Social media, the internet, and communication in general is a buzz with bold declarations for a new and improved year ahead... Renewed commitments to work, relationships, hobbies, spirituality, and especially health. Advertisements abound for the latest in exercise, and especially diet programs……Everyone and their dog is declaring their intentions to hit the gym, buy a treadmill, join a Pilates class, go paleo/gluten free/vegan/local/hormone diet……the list goes on.
I get it. I really do. The New Year seems like the ‘right’ time to turn over a new leaf….and it very well might be for many people. BUT….not necessarily for everyone…..maybe not for you, and most definitely not for me.
Here are 8 reasons that I gave up declaring New Year’s Resolutions a long time ago:
Me, not yelling at my kids
Sometimes I get all brave and think I am going to write about really personal, intense stuff, like I did when I wrote that last blog post, But sometimes, I chicken out. I'm seriously working on not doing that anymore...the chickening out part I mean. So, at the prompting of my writing teacher, I started making a list of things I'm not writing about right now, and then this kind of happened.......
It's ALL about you. No really....it is! I know that sounds like an insane thing to say, especially in light of all the chaos and suffering going on in the world right now, but hear me out.
I used to obsess over changing the world. All my awareness and attention was on what was happening 'externally'. I spent a TON of energy focussing on the injustices on the planet, in my community, at work, and even in my own family. I agonized over how to 'fix' people, organizations, systems and situations. I argued my point A LOT, and was almost apoplectic when things didn't go my way or people didn't see 'the obvious'. And of course....I WAS ALWAYS right. I figured, if I was just passionate and articulate enough about what I thought/believed....then I could convince everyone else that they should agree with me and....well, problem solved dammit! The world/organization/family...would be all the better for seeing it my way.
That's how it's done right? Use your influence/knowledge/anger/passion/beliefs, to make everyone see the error of their ways, and force changes in the external world. Easy peasy. Except.....
In the midst of the unravelling, on a relatively good day. Smiling was hard.
I wrote this piece for my Telling True Stories Course and it was pretty freaking hard. Once I convinced myself that I was just writing it for me, and nobody but the teacher and the other students in the class would see it, the writing came easier. After I was done, and despite being completely terrified at the thought of someone else reading this, I knew I had to share it. After all, that's why I'm taking this course...to practice being vulnerable and authentic, 'brave and afraid', because I've reached a point in my life where I just can't tolerate being anything else.
When I asked my husband if he minded that I share this with you, as always, he was supportive, even though this is as much about him as it is about me. This piece reflects a period in my life when I honestly never thought I'd feel alive again. Turns out, I was wrong......
Awhile back, I had ONE OF THOSE MORNINGS! You know the kind. After a cruddy, fitful sleep, filled with dreams about rats with painted on eyebrows and guest bathrooms that nobody ever cleans, I woke up late, achy, and in no mood to deal with anyone's crap. EVERYTHING was wrong and pissing me off.....and I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet!
Me, just about to break a world record with 800 of my new friends. (See #20)
(Sorry to whoever's butt that is in the background)
So, I'm taking this writing course with Laurie Wagner called 'Telling True Stories'. I decided to do this for a few reasons. First off, because I need a kick in the ass to write consistently. Also, I always strive to be truthful in my writing, but I feel like I could do a better job of sharing my authentic voice with you. I always resonate with those people who are vulnerable, badass, truth tellers, and I want to be one of them. I believe whole heartedly that sharing our stories can be healing and transformative for ourselves, and the people we share them with. By sharing struggles, triumphs, quirks, wisdom gained from experience, and all the other stuff of life, it's my hope to connect with you in a meaningful way and to let you know that you are not alone. We are ALL just trying to be human together.
The first assignment we were given, was to write a kind of 'list' consisting of 25 things the reader (that's you) wouldn't necessarily know about you (that's me). Now I'm gonna admit (See? Me being truthful right here), that I ALMOST took the easy way out and just used the list I used to have posted on my 'About' page. Then I decided that felt icky and out of integrity and was a shitty way to start out the course. Really the opposite of why I am doing this. I HAVE included a couple of those things from the 'about' page here, because it made sense to. But much of this, is stuff that I never would have shared even a year ago. So, deep breath, here goes........
A couple of nights ago, I had one of those Eureka moments. See, I've worked on uncovering my Core Desired Feelings for about a year or so now, and I was pretty confident I finally had all of them nailed down. There were a couple that I KNEW from the start, and a couple that I tried on for size for a while, until I realized they didn't quite resonate. That's the way the Desire Mapping process unfolded for me personally.
Eventually, the feelings that really clicked were: Connection, Abundance, Shakti (divine, feminine creative power) & Easy Freedom (cause in my mind....there IS such a thing as freedom that doesn't feel easy).
Yep! Got it! THOSE are the feelings I desire. Next step....start making decisions and directing my life in such a way that leads me to those feelings as often as possible. Check!
This process has been a total game changer for me. Like, TOTAL.
Quick yes or no question for you....
Is there something in your life that you wish were different? Something you know needs to change? No overthinking it....the answer is either YES or NO.
O.k. Got it?
If you answered No, you are my hero and this blog post is probably not going to be very useful to you. So...carry on and keep being awesome, or magic....or whatever the hell it is you obviously are, that enables you to be utterly and completely satisfied with everything in your life.
If you are a mere mortal, like the rest of us, and answered Yes to this question, or if you're one of those people (like me) who can't give a simple yes or no answer because your brain just doesn't work that way, and end up answering something like, 'Well my life's not PERFECT if that's what you mean', or 'Yeah, there might be SOMETHING I wish were different, but it's not THAT bad', or 'Yeah, things need changing but I'm not sure exactly what or how to go about it, so I'd just prefer not to think about it'..... Then this one's for you!
There was a time when I used to base my happiness and success on how things in my life outwardly appeared in comparison to other people. I would look at friends, family members, class mates, co-workers, acquaintances and sometimes even complete strangers and think, "OMG...they have it SO much more together than I do! They make more money, have more fun, live in bigger houses, go on regular vacations with their partner, have children who clean up after themselves, consistently look like they have a personal wardrobe assistant and..... their roots are NEVER showing!! Why am I such a freaking hot mess in comparison?"