Fear and Loathing in Orlando
& How We're All In This Together

Another terrible tragedy in the news. Another mass shooting in the U.S. The biggest one to date. Another barrage of news stories and FB posts pontificating about the details, the whos, hows, whys, and what ifs about the event and the people involved. My head is swimming with endless debate about gun control, LGBTQ (human) rights, alleged terrorist connections and religious affiliations, stories of the victims last moments, the accused’s past and current relationships, and family history. The list goes on.

All of it makes me want to cry and kick and grab people by the shoulders and scream at the top of my lungs, "STOP THE MADNESS! Why can’t we just stop the fucking madness already? What the hell is wrong with us?” Wait, don’t answer that... I think I have a theory.

Like so many of you, I am completely overwhelmed with emotion and almost at a loss for words. But, I am trying my damnedest to conjure some up, even if they are rough and messy and bordering on inarticulate, because saying nothing is just not an option. Saying nothing feels like a cop out to me. Saying nothing, means we have given up, and giving up, giving in to the dark side, should never be an option.  EVER.

Teach Your Children Well

My kids having a crazy good time outside of school....I bet they learned something too.

Editor's note: I thought a lot about not writing this post. It strays a little from the stuff I normally write about. But...I have a blog and I guess that means I can write about whatever is poking me to write about it at the time. I'm also kind of opinionated (in case you didn't know that yet). I honestly try very hard to reel it in and not be completely obnoxious, and I do pretty well for the most part. (Those of you who know me can stop laughing now). I do a lot better than I used to anyhow. But there are certain things that I have a really hard time keeping my trap shut about. Education is one of them. So here goes....

Dear Kids, Here's What I Want You To Know

Recently, I had a conversation with a couple of friends about how I'm glad my kids are getting a little older and more independent. I even admitted out loud, that the baby or toddler stages were never really my thing, and that I white knuckled it through most of those years. I knew it was only temporary and that we could handle anything for awhile. Mostly, and in spite of a crapload of chaos that came our way, we did. Although I wouldn't give myself any awards for being the best baby momma on the planet, our kids came out of the baby/toddler years relatively unscathed. At least it seems that way so far.

I've always known I would be a better parent to older kids. You know, the kind who can rationalize, at least some of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love kids! I spent over two decades working with them in some capacity. Babies? Of course they're adorable. It's just that they're even more adorable when I don't have to wake up at 2 a.m. to feed them, or worry every five minutes about why there's no noise coming from the other room. I prefer it when those are someone else's problems to deal with. So now that our kids are at that (sometimes) rational stage - almost 12 and 9, I'm loving it in so many ways. But truthfully, I'm also panicking a little.

My Collection

In Brave Blogging, we were asked to write about something we collect.  My collection is a messy, crazy, jumble of stuff.....which actually, makes perfect sense when I think about it.

I collect light to draw on, when the darkness surrounds me.

I collect hugs from my son that make me feel like I am doing something right.

I collect smiles and kisses from my daughter that help me remember what’s important.

I collect frogs, because they keep me mindful of healing and sensitivity and remind me  that transformation is not always pretty or comfortable, but always worth it.

People I Want To Smack In The Head

I recently started reading Jen Mann's book, People I Want To Punch In The Throat. This was part of my mother's day gift. My husband knows me well. He actually bought it for me because I'm a fan of Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess), and she endorsed this book. It's a series of stories from Jen's real life. Bad ass truth telling is my favourite style of writing.  It's what I aspire to be brave enough to do, and so it goes without saying that I like the book. In fact, it inspired me to write this post. But since I'm not really a throat puncher, I decided to title my own list, 'People I Want To Smack In The Head'. It seems more true to form.

Today, I Feel Like A Failure

Today, I feel like a failure because I told my kid too much sugar isn't good for her.  Half an hour later, she was exercising in her room because she said she doesn’t like her body and that when she looks at all her friends, they’re skinnier than her.  She’s 8.  Only 8 dammit!  Even though I NEVER diet or talk about weight or calories or any of it.....she has clearly been influenced by the dark side, and I feel powerless.

Free As A Bird

                  The perpetrator, feigning innocence

Several years ago, a cat adopted us. No, I don't have that backwards, I mean SHE adopted US. She literally walked into our house one day and never left. We called her Nigella. She is adorable, and clearly knows how to get what she wants. Before her, we always considered ourselves more dog people. But now we're cat people too. Nigella is the chillest, most affectionate, low maintenance, least annoying creature on the planet....except for one small thing. She's a total serial killer.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

In the Brave Blogging course I'm taking, with the amazing Andrea Scher, we're learning how to capture the small moments.  I'm realizing that there is so much meaning in the small, everyday moments.  A series of small moments all strung together, is what makes a life.  The little things definitely matter.

10 Lessons I Learned From My Mom &
Some Truth Talk About The Mother Of All Relationships

                                          Stevie (my mom), circa 1980 something

Mother’s day is quickly approaching and naturally, this always shines a light on the mother-child dynamic in people’s lives.  I’ve read a million blog posts, articles and Facebook memes where people gush and romanticize about their relationship with their mothers.  This is lovely and genuinely beautiful that some people have nothing but positive, heart swelling memories of their moms.  They may remember their childhoods (accurately or otherwise) as being full of hugs, homemade chocolate chip cookies and milk, calm, lilting lullabies, heartfelt talks and bedtime stories.  No word of a lie, these are some of the memories I hope my own kids have.

However, can we all just admit that this is definitely not everyone’s reality?  Not everyone’s relationship to their mom’s is a Hallmark card.  The truth is, a whole lot of folks had/have a tenuous relationship with their mothers.  Some may be completely estranged from their moms for a whole variety of not so warm and fuzzy reasons.  Some people may have lost their moms in natural or unnatural ways.  Others may have a hard time relating, and not know how to, or be unwilling to, go about repairing the bond that has been damaged over time.

The Hair Cut That Changed Everything

I can't stop staring at him.

A new haircut and suddenly, he's not the little boy with the raspy voice who hides under tables when his dad brings his guitar to pre-school.